In this episode we interview Nes Reign - a musician, writer, podcaster, author, former hip-hop artist and self-proclaimed 'hustlepreneur', who identifies as a proud Muslim of Moroccan origin. Nes reflects on creativity, building resilience, and finding one’s place in this world. She takes us on a journey from how an operation at age 5 left her blind, to signing her first record deal at 15, to losing her sister...and how all of these moments continue to shape her journey of learning, growth and success.

TRANSCRIPT: Episode 12 - Choose to be Brave Everyday

Nes  0:00 

Being a minority so to speak, being blind, even more of a minority, my blindness came, like I lost my sight during an operation gone wrong. So it wasn't from birth and my parents insisted on me being independent as possible and growing up as normal as possible. So I went to normal schools and that made me even more so minority. And so I could relate to hip hop and stuff like that, because that's that for me, the music where people speak their mind, they talk about pain, they talk about struggle and so on, you know. And then I realized that very early that music is something that I can do. I can sing a little and then I thought, okay, so I was always singing and somebody picked it up and asked me if I wanted to go to a casting and everything happened after the rest was history.

Meha  0:46 

In this episode of The Nine Oh Six we interview Nes Reign.

Welcome to The Nine Oh Six, I'm Meha Chiraya.

Archita  0:56 

I'm Archita Fritz.

Meha  0:59 

We're your hosts for The Nine Oh Six, a podcast where we elevate the stories of extraordinary women in our community. Nes is a former hip hop artist who identifies as a proud Muslim of Moroccan origin. She currently lives in Dusseldorf, Germany.

Nes is a musician, writer, a podcaster, an author, and a self proclaimed hustlepreneur. In this episode, Nes reflects on creativity, building resilience, and finding one's place in this world. She takes us on a journey from how an operation when she was five years old, left her blind to signing her first record deal when she was 15, to losing her sister, and how all of these moments continue to shape her journey of learning, growth, and success.

Archita  1:48 

All right, Nes. Welcome to The Nine Oh Six, we're so excited to have you on the show.

Nes  1:53 

I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Archita  1:54 

So we have Nes with us here today and Nine Oh Six listeners, this is my first in person podcast interview so I'm really excited about it. It's so interesting because I'm used to just having somebody on the other end of the phone and not seeing them while they're talking. So this is kind of nice to kind of just be right next to Nes here and we kind of having a chance to riff off of each other basically.

Nes  2:16 

Absolutely.

Archita  2:17 

So Nes tell me this, what does creativity mean to you?

Nes  2:21 

Creativity is such a broad word in a way, but then when we say creativity, we all know what it means. It's just to let yourself go like really, you know, create something, make something, develop something. However, wherever you pull from, it can be from your heart, it can be from your head, it can be from everywhere, you know, you just make something happen, and sometimes you know exactly what you want to do and sometimes you don't. And then you just let it flow, you know, and then it will come. However it comes out and then you keep working on it, keep perfecting it.

Archita  2:53 

And so you've perfected one aspect of your creative soul, which was music for a really long time. How did you get into music? What drew you to music? Tell me more.

Nes  3:05 

I grew up listening to a lot of music. I listen to hip hop, r&b, and stuff like that. And for me like growing up as a foreigner here in Germany, being like a minority, so to speak, how they like to call us, you know, being blind even being more a minority, you know, because I went to normal school and everything. So, my blindness came, like I lost my sight, during an operation gone wrong. So it wasn't from birth and my parents insisted on me being independent as possible and growing up as normal as possible. So I went to normal schools and that made me even more so a minority. And so I could relate to hip hop and stuff like that, because that's for me, the music where people speak their mind, they talk about pain, they talk about struggle and so on, you know. So I can relate to it. So I always listened to lots of music. And then I realized that very early that music is something that I can do. I can sing a little and then I thought, okay, so I was always singing and somebody picked it up and asked me if I wanted to go to a casting and everything happened after the rest history. For me music was something I could do and people wouldn't really question too much about where you from, who you are and stuff like that. I can just do music you know get out there and then get other things done. I just wanted basically the recognition for music so I can put myself in a position where I can do other things. And back then I didn't really know much. I went to school I wanted to become a journalist. I wanted to become a lawyer, you know one of these two, but I was more drawn to journalism because I love people and I believe everybody has a story and I love to know people's stories.

Archita  4:42 

I know that you do. Nes told me, you told me, once that you love to go to random trade shows to just meet interesting people and you went to a dental trade show. I will never forget that, it was so random. Why would someone go to a dental trade show. You've got nothing to do with dentistry, but tell me more. What about people intrigues you?

Nes  5:04 

Okay, first of all, I went to this trade show because here's the thing. I love entrepreneurship. And I call myself a hustlepreneur because I'm not an entrepreneur. I don't have like crazy old businesses or anything. So I love to know and find stuff. I love to connect people. I love to talk to people. I love to find things out. I'm a very inquisitive person.

Archita  5:27 

So what do you call yourself? Hustlepreneur?

Nes  5:29 

Yeah, I love the hustle. I love to find new things and discover new things and see whether I can work with it and do something. And so I love the challenge. I guess.

Archita  5:39 

So, did you ever have a rejection that affected your creative process?

Nes  5:47 

I think rejection affects everybody. Anyone who says rejection never affected them is a liar. Gonna put it out there like that. What I will say is rejection affects me as well. Nobody wants to be rejected. But with me, it's also like, okay, you didn't like it, you didn't want me, even more so now I'm going to work 10 times harder, and  then I'm going to work like 10 hours more a day that I don't have or whatever, you know. I'm very spiteful when it comes to these things.

Archita  6:19 

Spiteful -- that's a really a tough word.

Nes  6:23 

I am spiteful. You don't want me really though? Well you going to regret and if you don't even kind of regret, you're going to see me around. Watch me.

Archita  6:30 

So what was the last time this happened? And what did you make out of it?

Nes  6:36 

I all of my life because people, due to my blindness, they underestimate me a lot. That's why I said to you, that's why music came so easily for me because nobody cared. So for me, I always was that person who had to work 10 times harder, you know, to prove myself. And that's why I'm at a point right now, I don't need to prove myself like me or leave me. If somebody or if people don't like whatever I put out there, let it be music, let it be my podcast, let it be my book or whatever is just the point of it's not for them. They were never meant to be my target in the first place. And also you have to leave space for growth as well. Like I started two podcasts, a German and English one.

Archita  7:20 

You know, you spoke about creativity and putting your heart out there. Because you said two things you said it involves putting your heart and soul, but it will come from your mind. Which of these have you leaned into more?

Nes  7:36 

See, the thing is, for me, these three things are connected. So for me, when you make music, you put your heart into it because you express yourself. Music is a way of expression. So this is like you put your heart into it, you put your soul into it, because that's your emotional side. But sometimes you even need to pull from your mind, from your rational side a little bit. Because you might want to achieve something in particular, you know, because you're not gonna go there and do 15 songs or 20 million songs about being heartbroken, you know, at some point, you need to pull from somewhere else.

Archita  8:14 

Where did you pull your songs from?

Nes  8:17 

Well my inspiration comes from life in general, from people around me, from stories around me, from myself, things I go through, things people around me go through, and things I observe, things the world goes through basically. And my music always stood for empowerment and speaking the truth as much as possible, and being vulnerable, you know, showing vulnerability.

Archita  8:40 

Yeah, so what, what was your favorite song of all the songs you recorded when you had a music career?

Nes  8:48 

I can't really say, I really can't say because, honestly, Archita I'm so detached from that part of my life that I can't even really say. I'm really detached because for me, that's like my past and I've kind of closed that chapter, I'm on to new things. And you know how I said life events happen. And one of them a big one was my sister's murder. And that took me to a whole different place. That's where I really said, okay, you know what, I'm not gonna force myself to do music anymore because I'm not in love with music anymore. I'm not gonna force myself to be in a situation that I actually hate and I don't feel comfortable. I'm not happy. I don't mind sharing my story for the simple reason because if people can benefit off of that, and if it can help someone, then I'm here for it. As painful as it is for me and trust me, it is painful. But what I learned from that situation, I was very close to my sister. We were extremely close and very similar. She was younger than me; she was 25 years old. And just to give the listeners a brief idea of what happened, she was at home and there were plumbers and they were doing work and one of the plumbers after the work. They came back and raped her, strangled her with a phone cable, and drowned her in a bathtub. And we found her the next day and then a lot of things happened, stuff like the autopsy results came back false. They said, oh, it was a natural death. And her phone was missing and her ID was missing and this is what one of the policemen he didn't want to leave it alone. He said no. My sister's husband, he's a doctor himself, he said, none of that can be , it's impossible. So, these people insisted on an investigation and three weeks later, they caught the guy. I knew right away it was him because I was the last person she spoke to. I was on the phone when he was always going out and in of her flat and he was behaving very weird. And I told her this guy's weird. He's strange. So my learning from that is don't force yourself to do stuff that you don't want to do because of whatever circumstance because you gave your word or your promise or you thought this was your life. And honestly if I could tell myself something my younger self I would say to myself listen to really what you want instead of what you think you should be. This is because you are into something, that doesn't mean you can't change, like be more brave. Sometimes I thought so if I quit music, what am I going to do then? What is there for me? So that was a very important point for me and why I never really quit music. I had these thoughts from before, way before, but I didn't know what to do. Like I didn't know what to do with my life and it was kind of scary but for me, don't be afraid face your fears, face your future, even if you have to lose. Because some people, they even stay in a relationship or in a friendship or in a marriage because they don't know what's after or if anyone is ever going to want them again or if they're ever going to do something else or how they're going to fill their days. Don't be scared of that. If one door closes, another will open. Self care is something I learned too through that situation. I never used to care about self care, I never cared about me how I felt, what I needed or you know what I was going through. It was always keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing.

Archita  12:45 

Is there something that of all of the things you have created that you hated, but the public loved?

Nes  12:51 

The music, some of it definitely, back then I liked my music and stuff like that, but I was always very critical of it at the same time. And some of the songs the public really liked, I was like, okay, that wouldn't be my favorite now. And then also, I think when you do stuff like that now, I also do presenting and I did a lot of TV stuff, interviewing celebrities for TV shows and stuff like that. You do something or you create something and maybe you don't understand the hype because you had the chance to actually make it and grow with it. And maybe you got bored of it or you're over it because you're onto something else. So other people, for them it's fresh for them it's new, so they have a totally different feeling towards it. That's why it's very hard to say, what did you really hate? Did you really hate it? Or were you just already at a different point? You know, it always depends on the perspective.

So you know, when we met first we spoke on the phone, and you told me, Hey, can you meet me at the bus stop? And I was like, Yeah, for sure, that's not a problem. And you were like, No, but if it's a big deal, don't worry about it because some people don't want to deal with it. And it's just something that really struck me because you sort of apologized for just the situation. And to me, it just really struck me. Tell me more about that because I feel like a lot of times with interacting with other people, you need to set up the expectations every single time. Is that draining? Is that frustrating?

I guess it's more me than other people. All my life, I've never met anyone who had a problem with me being blind, except one particular person. That didn't ever bother me. What bothers me more is I don't want to impose on people, especially when I meet you for the first time I don't know you, I don't want to impose on you.

Archita  14:41 

And why is that? Why do you find it hard asking for help?

Nes  14:45 

Because I don't want to impose.

Archita  14:47 

But where is that coming from?

Nes  14:49 

I really don't know. Maybe it's coming from I think, Yeah, I don't want help. I'm independent. Maybe because that's something that was instilled in me. You know, like being independent as possible? Or because maybe I feel like yeah, don't think because I'm blind, I need extra help. Which is the truth, I do need extra because there are certain things I can't do on my own, you know, so obviously I'm going to need help. But like assembling a machine is not something that a blind person needs help with. That's like most people need help with.

Archita  15:20 

What could we do differently in the world to be more compassionate just in general because sometimes you can see what someone is or you know, experience but sometimes you can't experience what people are going through. You can have to be compassionate.

Nes  15:32 

Be more open, ask questions. Don't be scared to ask questions. For me, ask me anything you want. I get the craziest questions and I don't mind. I'm happy that you asked me this. That means you care. You want to know, you are trying to understand. That's number one and number two, listen. And give people the feeling they can actually tell you certain things. Care, just be present.

Archita  16:03 

So you know, fast forward, how long was it? 10 years, 15 years in your career in music and you decided to step away from it, proudly. What is your favorite accomplishment since then?

Nes  16:19 

Well, the murder of my sister is two and a half years ago, so it's not very long. And I am very proud of myself that I'm trying. Although it's very difficult to me on most days to manage this trauma, this pain, this whatever I go through. It came with anxieties. It came with a lot of things not just like, Oh, I lost the person that was close to me. I have to deal with anxieties. For me it's very hard; like I have to throw out the garbage in the basement. I have to prepare myself, mentally like half an hour, sometimes even a whole day to take down the trash. You know, because it's anxiety, you know, it's nightmares, it's a lot of sleepless nights. It's a lot of nights where you sleep for only a couple hours. So I'm a managing very well. So, this is what I'm proud of, and I'm proud of myself that I, you know, started these podcasts and then I'm writing this book. I'm proud of myself and this is the accomplishment that I started this book and I'm keeping up with it. I had a long time where I wasn't really writing, because it's not an easy topic, you know?

Archita  17:34 

You are Moroccan. What part of your identity do you really treasure the most?

Nes  17:43 

What part of my identity? Yeah, I personally and this is just me speaking. First of all, I'm religious. I'm a Muslim and then comes where I'm from, you know, because I think that matters less because I really don't care where people come from. I don't even care what you believe. It's just about me. I'm saying that for me, my religion comes first and then comes my country and where I'm from. I'm not African, proud to be full blown Moroccan. I do have a lot of family. My dad, for instance, on my dad's side, he has 29 brothers and sisters. Yeah, not all of them are alive because my granddad, he was kind of a player like eight wives. But he was like, he was a mayor, very small place where my dad is from, from the Berber area. And he was quite known there. He has like metals and stuff like that from the Spanish for keeping the peace in that area and stuff like that. So I guess he used his reputation to get women, I don't know. But, he had a wives so my dad has 29 sisters and brothers. And of course, they have kids and they have kids, but I don't know all of them.

Archita  18:48 

Tell me about your parents. They were very, very resilient and they were very sure that they were going to follow a certain path in life. So tell me more about them. And how did they kind of go about doing that?

Nes  18:59 

My parents, so my dad basically came to Germany in the 60s. He worked it and he went back to Morocco. Then he came back after marrying my mom. When I was born and when my older sister was born, we came to Germany and then this whole thing happened with the operation gone wrong. And then my parents always said, Okay, what can we do? You know, they hardly spoke German. My dad more than my mom. My mom is illiterate. She didn't even go to school. She didn't have a chance because the money wasn't there. She had two brothers, and she didn't have a father because her father died when she was six months old so she never met him. So my grandmother decided it makes more sense to put her sons through school because my mom as a woman, a girl, she's going to get married and then the man is going to take care of her while these two boys have to marry a woman and take care of her. So my mom, she suffers a lot from that, that she never had a chance to go to school because she's not a stupid person, she's just not educated on that type of level. So my parents still knew that the world is a cold place. And one day they might not be there to look after me. So it was important for him that I can look after myself as much as possible. You know, I need help with certain things, which is quite clear, but I'm pretty much on my own. I live by myself, I cleanup myself, I do my own cooking, everything I do. My mom is a soldier. And that's why I always say my mom is my role model. Coming from that difficult situation from a different country, third world country back then now it's a development country. She's my role model because she's so resilient. And she goes through so much. You know, she didn't have it easy. My dad used to be very difficult when he was younger, you know? So then she was here. She married very young, like she was married when she was 14. And she went through a lot and then this last situation now with my sister is being murdered that took everything from her. But she's still pushing through and seeing that you know, it's just sometimes it just really breaks my heart, that this woman has to go through so much and she's still you know she's still pushing through and that's why she's my role model. I couldn't have a better one.

Archita  21:25 

Well you have a great one and you know, when we're really really lucky to have amazing moms. Growing up what kind of an influence did she have?

Nes  21:33 

She was always there. She was, just to see that all of the setbacks never set her back like that.

Archita  21:41 

So do you enjoy sharing your work with others or do you prefer to go unnoticed and why?

Nes  21:48 

I'm a business minded person at the end of the day. So if I'm doing this, because I want to achieve something with it, I want to go somewhere with it, then I want to share it with the world. If there's stuff that I do, that I don't want to share with people, then that's just because I'm passionate about it. It's just a passion. It's just a hobby. You know, that's how I can say for myself. You have hobbies, and some of them you want to turn into a business and other ones who want to keep to yourself, which is fine. Especially with doing a podcast is just like you want to share conversation, you want to spark conversation, you want to make people think you want to inspire people to go out there and look for stuff or have conversation back with you or with their friends and have a discussion or a debate or whatever. So yeah, I like to share that, I like to share my book, because I want people to read on what is out there in the world, what happens, and maybe somebody went through something similar and they needed to know that somebody else was there too. So yeah, on that, on that note, I'd love to share my work.

Archita  22:51 

Right. So talking about getting out there and moving on and doing great things. What do you intend to accomplish with your art?

Nes  23:00 

I really I want to reach people. I want to touch people. I want to provoke an emotion in people. And I hope a good one.

Archita  23:12 

So talking about reaching people, provoking thoughts in people etc, what legacy do you want people to remember you by?

Nes  23:23 

I want people to remember me as a good person, as a helpful person, as someone who has empathy with people and who's compassionate with people. I know it sounds weird, but for me, you know, these things are more important than people remembering me for any work I do. Remember me for good things.

Archita  24:05 

So how do you define success? Then if you think of it like that, how do you define success for yourself?

Nes  24:10 

Success. I know the typical thing is like making money, being known, and all of that. That's cool. Who doesn't want to have money? But for me, if I can, like, say to myself, I feel good with what I put out there and it's received the way I want it to be received. That's for me success, in that sense.

 Archita  24:34 

Okay and talking about that, talking about putting yourself out there and having it resonate with people, what do you love the most about yourself?

Nes  24:45 

This is deep. What do I love the most about myself? That I can be honest and honest to myself as well, which is very important. It's a point that a lot of people miss as well. I like about myself that I am very ambitious. And that I'm not so easy to stop. Resilience.

Archita  25:20 

I love it. I love it. Well on that note, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for taking time today and talking to us on The Nine Oh Six. I enjoyed this afternoon chat with you.

Nes  25:32 

Thank you. I enjoyed it too. Thanks for having me.

Meha  25:34 

To learn more about our podcast, check us out at thenineohsix.com. The Nine Oh Six is produced by Meha Chiraya and Archita Fritz. Subscribe to us on your favorite podcast platform to tune in and hear the stories that will elevate and inspire you.