Honoring Your Nos and Embracing Your Yeses
Recently, we've had a slew of really powerful guests. As always, we like to recap some of the common themes between them. One particular theme continues to come up that I have to call out. There are all sorts of things happening in the world today, and on top of it all, we have our day-to-day lives. And what we noticed with a lot of our guests is the common theme of being brave, being bold, and stepping out of your comfort zone to have an impact, not only on your own life but on the lives of other people around us.
Listen to the episode or scroll down to read the blog post ↓
In this blog post, we’re covering the following:
Click here to listen on Apple Podcasts. While you're there, subscribe and leave us a rating and review if you enjoy the episodes.
1) Fighting for Others on Your Career Journey
Mita Mallick said this really well. She said, “Are you fighting for just your career, or for other people as well? Who are you pulling up with you as you step forward in the fight?”
Archita explains that in corporate America, she was never just fighting for her career alone.
“It felt like a responsibility I had to carry. [...] Not one that I was unhappy to have. But one that I felt so grateful to have. It's my responsibility as I'm moving along in my career, I bring other people along.” - Archita Fritz
Archita explains that while shouldering that responsibility early in her career, she was celebrated. However, as she went through the second half of her decade in corporate America, in certain spaces, this was weaponized.
“It was weaponized to a factor of you're being too bold. You're being too visible. You're being too ambitious.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia explains that when you’re in a corporation and you have a passion for DEI work, you get asked to do more DEI tasks.
“I fell into the trap early in my career where it was because I was so willing to be vocal, all of a sudden, I became the face of DEI.” - Olivia Cream
There's this interesting dynamic between creating more work for yourself and taking on this extra responsibility and the other responsibility of elevating yourself first.
2) Privilege and the Cost of Speaking Out
There is a cost to speaking out.
Archita explains that she came to corporate America as a 19-year-old intern. This gives her a certain amount of privilege in this space. That was HER privilege.
This allowed her to speak up in this space. However, this doesn’t mean that every single individual from a minority group in a similar situation has to speak up.
Archita recalls a conversation she had with a member of her team who told her that he didn’t want to be the face of this conversation.
“I could not even fathom that. I said, you're the only black man we have in this business, why would you not speak up? And that was my fault.” - Archita Fritz
This is the pressure we put on people who are the onlys in the workplace.
“Our responsibility as leaders is to first go to the people, get to know them, be curious, understand where and how they want to show up in their own journey of quote unquote, transforming the workplace, activism, whatever it might be. And don't put your understanding of expectations on them as the only way to do it.” - Archita Fritz
There is no right answer here. You show up in the way that it best serves you.
“Do not let me tell you how to show up. Don't let Archita tell you how to show up. For God's sake, don't let your boss tell you how to show up. You have to decide for yourself. What do you want? What do you want to be known for? What legacy do you want to leave behind? What goal are you after? You get to define for yourself exactly who and what you want to be in any moment of time.” - Olivia Cream
Olivia furthers this by saying that it's very important to first identify where you are and what you want for yourself and then how you can impact the space that you occupy.
3) Finding the Right Space for Activism
Archita explains that your workplace may not be the best space for you to engage in your activism work.
“Your company that you're in right now is a vessel towards you achieving your dreams. There are another million spaces you can go to to do this work. No one is going to give you a clap and a pat on the back because you fixed it in your company.” - Archita Fritz
Archita explains that there are so many other spaces that you can activate and engage in.
“All of this work that is so important to me, I'm finding other spaces to do it. And I went and sought those spaces. [...] I knew I could deliver way more impact over there that could help all these other spaces that I would eventually engage with.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia explains that you do not have a responsibility to fix issues at your corporation.
“It is not our responsibility to turn around these corporations. It's not our job.” - Olivia Cream
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in DEI work, and though well-meaning, it can distract you from your greater purpose.
“You have a choice…You don’t have to take on every battle.” - Archita Fritz
4) Prioritizing Rest and Personal Goals
Olivia explains that you should not feel guilty for focusing on yourself first. Taking time for actual rest in the midst of all your other responsibilities is critical.
“Rest is part of your goal setting as women, as we consistently get called on for extra housework across the board.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia explains that this may be a challenge for elder Millennials and Boomers, and maybe even some of the Gen Xers because we tend to attach our self-worth to our output. There should be times for crushing your goals, but there should also be time for rest.
“Your brain physically needs the rest. And what happens when you give your mind a time to rest, a time to relax, a time to reflect, your creativity actually gets better. Your productivity actually goes up when you build in timely rest into what you're doing.” - Olivia Cream
If you find yourself saying things like
Power through,
I’ve just got to get this done, or
I need to hustle.
It is very likely that you are tying your worth to your productivity.
Archita explains that this is especially true if you have gone through any kind of transition and are in a new space. There is almost a need to prove that you are worthy of being there.
Wherever you are in life, you need to be intentional and build space for yourself and for rest. How do you do this?
“The challenge is we don't want to sit down and ask ourselves these important questions. We want to keep in motion, right? And when we keep in motion, you can't find time to answer a question like that, because you're too busy doing stuff.” - Olivia Cream
Olivia encourages everyone to identify what it is that they don’t like about their workday or how they are functioning and then create solutions for them. You can design your day in a way that works for you.
Archita took the time to ask herself what she wanted her week to look like. She then decided to create opportunities to help her live this week.
“It is the most liberating thing because [...] that has created space for me. [...] It's very clear what opportunities I'm going to say no to. It's very clear, so I don't even chase those things anymore.” - Archita Fritz
Archita evaluates this constantly to ensure what is working and what isn’t.
“It's easier to say no. So you set your own boundaries and then you can then go create space for yourself.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia explains that it sounds simple, but we make it so difficult.
“Figure out what you want to do, go figure out the problems that are plaguing you today, set about creating a solution for them, and then stick to it. We talk about this all the time. You have to honor your nos so you can embrace your yeses.” - Olivia Cream
Olivia furthers this by explaining that saying yes to everything does nothing but slow you down and distract you from getting to where you need to be so you have the maximum impact on this earth.
“Stop saying yes to everything. It's not doing you any favors.” - Olivia Cream
5) Dealing with Haters and Exploring Your Triggers
One thing Olivia has observed with almost every woman that we have had the pleasure of talking to is that someone somewhere along the journey has been a hater.
There are always going to be haters when you are on the path to something big.
“When a hater triggers you, you need to sit down and figure out what's wrong with you” - Olivia Cream
Olivia explains that a hater is simply being who they are, and they are not going to change.
“It is ridiculous for us to spend so much time asking ourselves, why are haters like this? Why do they do this? What's wrong with them? Spending all this time and energy focusing on the irrelevant hater. You are now giving them your power. You are fueling them. They are sucking the life force from you because where your attention goes, energy flows.” - Olivia Cream
You may be focusing on this inconsequential hater because:
You need validation
You struggle with power dynamics
Someone who looked like this person told you would never amount to anything
Whatever the reason is, you need to sit with that and figure that out for yourself. But it is YOU that something is wrong with.
“If we start looking at that this way, we minimize the effect that the haters have on our lives because we realize we can control it. It's like swatting away a mosquito.” - Olivia Cream
Archita explains that this is going to be hard for your ego to do because you're going to recognize that there are probably going to be some things that you do that are similar to what this person does. And you have to unlearn them on your own journey in order to let this go.
“The only thing we know, besides death, is that they will be haters as we grow and rebuild.” - Archita Fitz
To hear the full conversation, scroll all the way up and tune into episode 62.
About The Hosts: Olivia And Archita
OLIVIA
Olivia Grant Cream is the host and producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Nothing makes her happier than providing a platform to women who are changing the world.
Olivia is a proud US Veteran and HR Leader who is passionate about changing the face of corporate America by helping underrepresented people reclaim their power and live the life of their dreams.
She is an advocate for transitioning military members seeking second careers in the corporate landscape.
Olivia is a proud Jamaican and enjoys mentoring, coaching, classic cars, and nature. way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
→ You can work with Olivia here: www.oliviacream.com
→ Book her as a keynote speaker or moderator for your next ERG or company event.
ARCHITA
Archita Sivakumar Fritz is the Host and Producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Archita is an international executive, who has lived and worked in India, the U.S., Canada, and Germany.
She is the founder, principal of Ready Set Bold a workplace transformation firm that supports F500 to startups on their product, people and process transformation journey.
She is a fierce advocate for canceling the culture around the silence of bullying and harassment in the workplace through her work with Speak Out Revolution. She lives in Dusseldorf, Germany with her husband where they are raising their three third-culture kids.
→ If you want to work with Archita you can reach out to her here: www.readysetbold.com.
→ Book her as a speaker, moderator, or coach for your next company event or workshop.