It’s Time to Take Control of Your Fear
We’ve had some really amazing ladies on for the last couple of episodes and as always, we like to do a bit of a recap. Something that stood out to us was what Mary Waweru said in Episode 67 about transitions. Right now, there are so many people that are experiencing layoffs or restructuring. It's so easy to let yourself get pulled down by those transitions that are seemingly outside of your control.
You can become paralyzed by fear and get stuck in the transition. It’s time to take control of your fear.
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1) You Are the Driver of Your Life
This is something we speak about so much on the podcast.
“You have to firmly hold the keys to your career in your hand, then you’ve got to put it into that slot that you put it into the car, and then you’ve got to turn the car and drive it forward the way you want it to go.” - Archita Fritz
Otherwise, Archita explains, someone else will do it for you and your career may not end up going in the direction you want it to go.
We can get comfortable complaining about things that we feel are not in our control.
“You're not going to make progress if you just sit there complaining that the cars not moving.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia brings up the point of having a group of friends who will help you and support you in driving your car.
“Your friends in moments like this, should not be happy with you. They should be pushing you, they should be urging you to do something, they should be nagging you. And if they're not, you might need a different group of friends to help snap you out of your own analysis paralysis.” - Olivia Cream
Archita explains that not all people who love you understand what’s best for you either and that ultimately it is up to you to make the decision to make a change.
“This is the hard part as a coach because people need to get there themselves. They need to recognize that they've got to move.” - Archita Fritz
2) Developing a Resiliency Mindset
Archita explains that she is in her season of nos. These nos ultimately will help to develop a resiliency towards rejection and failure (natural parts of life). She has made a conscious effort to seek out hard nos.
Whether that be an award, a speaking engagement, or being featured as a guest on a podcast. All of which Archita received rejections from.
“I would sometimes not chase the no, because I knew it was going to be a no and I was afraid of feeling that sense of rejection.” - Archita Fritz
It took Archita embracing all of her wins to finally start chasing the nos again.
Archita encourages you to determine the cost of not facing your fears by asking yourself these questions:
What opportunities will I miss?
What growth will I stifle?
How will this impact my future?
“All our fears are workout-able so we've got to rise to the challenge and not let them hold us back.” - Archita Fritz
Olivia explains that oftentimes what we're afraid of is the feeling that we get when we're rejected, not the situation itself.
“If you're not on the right path, you're going to feel pain. So it forces you to move and go do something else or do something more, try something different. You really have to just get comfortable in the uncomfortable.” - Olivia Cream
As we are on this journey, Olivia encourages us to think about the kind of muscles we need to build. Muscles like being able to handle rejection and not getting paralyzed by fear.
3) Turn Your Lessons Into Growth
There’s a quote by top LinkedIn creator Justin Welsh that resonates with Archita:
“All the unsuccessful people believe that the game is rigged. But the successful people know the game is rigged, and they learn how to play.”
There is always going to be politics involved, what are you going to do about it?
This is one of Olivia’s favorite questions.
What are you going to do about it?
“At some point in time, you have to shift into I just learned a lesson, now how am I going to turn that into growth?” - Olivia Cream
4) Letting Go of Our Obsession with Being Perfect
There is a trend that certain private schools in very wealthy areas, don’t do standardized testing.
“They allow the students to do something called self-governing. But essentially, they pick which topics they want to deep dive into. They teach them to fail. Failing is a part of the curriculum. [...] They're learning how to continue to learn without the fear of failure.” - Olivia Cream
Whereas more traditional education is based on tests and there is a penalty for not being able to regurgitate information.
“The top 1% educates their children in character strengths, but the other three-quarters of the population is getting this education that really turns us into employees.” - Olivia Cream
Archita explains how there is a similar situation in Germany and she has to teach her children how to fail at home because at school they are being taught how to be perfect.
“As we're coaching women, all we're doing is helping them unlearn the employee programming that we all got.” - Olivia Cream
This programming comes from school or home. Both Olivia and Archita explained how they were programmed to be perfect in their home lives growing up.
“Growing up in a Jamaican household, the culture is to grind. You work your tail off, your work ethic is extreme, you come home dog-tired, you rinse, repeat, and then you retire later. And those are the building blocks. And even when you talk about professions, [...] my generation's parents were like, you're either going to be a lawyer, doctor, or engineer. Anything outside of those three professions is total trash, and we don't want to hear it. So there were these very, very defined milestones that indicated success.” - Olivia Cream
And if you’re not able to meet these milestones?
“You end up walking through life feeling like you're a failure the entire time. If you feel like you're a failure, you're going to be unwilling to shift your mindset. [...] You're too busy trying to justify your own humanity to your own self to even think about, can I do something different? So it's unlearning we're all doing.” - Olivia Cream
Archita explains that when something doesn’t go according to plan, let yourself wallow a bit, but don’t stay there, pivot.
“This movie reel that we play for ourselves, [...] it plays to us feeling empathy for ourselves to a point that it's toxic. And we have to unsubscribe from it.” - Archita Fritz
5) Turn Your Brain Into Your Best Friend
Olivia explains that we have to realize that our brain can be our best friend.
“For a lot of us, your brain is your enemy. [...] At some point in time, you felt some kind of emotional pain, and you said to your brain, I never want to feel that again. And so your brains like mission accepted, you never want to feel emotional pain again.” - Olivia Cream
You have inadvertently taught your brain to avoid any kind of emotional discomfort.
“The mission isn't not to feel pain. The mission is to live a life the way you want to live it. And if that means feeling a little emotional pain, getting uncomfortable so you can grow, so that you can live that way, so be it. That's the path.” - Olivia Cream
Archita shares that she is currently going through a very uncomfortable and painful time full of rejection.
“Should I be anxious? Or should I just keep going in my life? And I am right. And the thing is that you have to be because I am on my mission and I’m scared but I'm going to jump. And I'm going to make sure that as I'm jumping, I'm figuring out how I'm going to make that landing pad the way it needs to be. Even though along the way I get hit by a billion trees and land with a bunch of bruises.” - Archita Fritz
However, there is an important distinction that Archita makes.
“I don't mean that you keep at something, just to prove something to someone.” - Archita Fritz
6) Trusting Yourself
Olivia recommends asking yourself this question:
Do I trust myself?
“Sometimes the answer is no, I'll be honest.” - Olivia Cream
For example, Olivia explains that she has been inconsistent in her workouts and that often life gets in the way.
“Can I trust myself to give my body what it's clearly telling me that it needs now? I can't trust myself, right? However, on the flip side, from a work perspective, when I've done the pivots myself, do I trust myself to survive that? Absolutely. My toxic trait is I feel like I can pretty much figure anything out.” - Olivia Cream
Olivia explains that as you start on your endeavors it is very important that you are very honest with yourself and ask yourself in this season, whatever it may be, can you trust yourself and then back that up with evidence.
“A lot of us will lie to ourselves and say, I can't do this when you've been doing it all throughout your life. But you're still saying to yourself that you can't do it. Why?” - Olivia Cream
Archita points out that you don’t have to do this on your own.
“Go seek out help, like really seek help in many different ways. A buddy, a coach, an accountability partner. [...] There is so much value in having that accountability sometimes sit outside of yourself, because you may not trust yourself to do certain things.” - Archita Fritz
To hear the full conversation, scroll all the way up and tune into episode 69.
About The Hosts: Archita And Olivia
ARCHITA
Archita Sivakumar Fritz is the Host and Producer of the Embracing Only Podcast. Archita is a MedTech and Life Science Strategist. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice for her insights into product strategy and nonprofit management, and the creation of inclusive cultures that champion a 'speak up' philosophy.
Following a successful 19+ year corporate career she now helps C Suite across organizations as a Fractional Product Marketing Leader through her company Ready Set Bold.
She works with individuals with 10+ years of corporate experience to find new paths away from toxic or underappreciative environments, enabling both personal fulfillment and broader organizational impact.
→ Grab your FREE resource to build your career transition here: https://embracingonly.com/cubicle-escape-blueprint
→ If you want to work with Archita you can reach out to her here: www.readysetb.
→ Book her as a speaker, moderator, or coach for your next company event or workshop.
OLIVIA
Olivia Grant Cream is the host and producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Nothing makes her happier than providing a platform to women who are changing the world.
Olivia is a proud US Veteran and HR Leader who is passionate about changing the face of corporate America by helping underrepresented people reclaim their power and live the life of their dreams.
She is an advocate for transitioning military members seeking second careers in the corporate landscape.
Olivia is a proud Jamaican and enjoys mentoring, coaching, classic cars, and nature. The way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
→ You can work with Olivia here: www.oliviacre
→ Book her as a keynote speaker or moderator for your next ERG or company event.