How High-Achieving Women Can Break the Trauma Default
In episode 91 of the Embracing “Only” podcast, Christy Rutherford - a Harvard Business School alum, strategic advisor, and former U.S. Coast Guard Commander - pulls back the curtain on the real reason high-achieving women burn out.
With unfiltered candor and military-sharp insight, Christy introduces her concept of the “trauma default” - the hidden script many women of color unknowingly operate from - and explains how this programming pushes even the most accomplished professionals to the brink of collapse.
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1) What Is the Trauma Default?
At the heart of Christy’s work is a powerful idea: high achievement often masks unprocessed trauma.
The overwork, perfectionism, and relentless drive to succeed?
It's not just ambition, it’s survival.
“High achievers are survivors. High achievers have been through something. And so what we think is that if we fail, we're going to go right back to whatever scenario that we ran out of. And we would rather outrun our scenario than face our past.” - Christy Rutherford
Christy names this pattern the trauma default - the unconscious emotional script formed in childhood that dictates how we respond to stress. For many women of color, this default is deeply rooted in generational endurance and cultural expectation.
“ What is your default response to stress? What is your default response to conflict? That’s your trauma default. And that trauma default is rooted in one or two experiences from your childhood.” - Christy Rutherford
Instead of healing from those early wounds, high-achieving women often build entire careers on top of them.
2) Endurance Isn’t a Virtue When It’s Killing You
For women of color, the expectation to "push through" is both cultural and generational. It’s taught in families, reinforced in workplaces, and weaponized in leadership.
“We are conditioned as women of color to endure. And so when we get into careers, it doesn't matter whether it's military, corporate, or medicine, you are going to endure the BS.” - Christy Rutherford
Christy shares how she embodied this pattern, pushing herself past every human limit in her Coast Guard career.
“ I was almost 90% in the ground, digging an early grave with 27 medical conditions.” - Christy Rutherford
Even then, she couldn’t admit she wasn’t okay because to do so felt like failure.
“I would rather die than admit that Christy Rutherford is not perfect. Because we're not allowed to say that we don't have it all together. We don't have anybody to confide in who will listen to the high achiever who doesn’t know how to stop.” - Christy Rutherford
3) Burnout Doesn’t Look Like You Think
Burnout isn’t just exhaustion.
There are 12 stages of burnout, and the early signs have become so normalized, especially for women of color.
“We don’t know that there are 12 stages of burnout. I didn’t know that until last year when I started talking about burnout. [...] I burned my mental health down to the ground with stage 12 burnout.” - Christy Rutherford
She recalls being in the ER every two weeks, having flu-like symptoms, and relentless headaches. And still, she worked.
“The key indicators are headaches, back pain, flu-like symptoms, things that we've normalized.” - Christy Rutherford
This form of high-functioning burnout is especially deceptive.
“ I loved what I did. I loved the guys who worked for me. That doesn't mean that I didn't suffer. That doesn't mean that my soul wasn’t hollow. I was like that Lindt bunny, you bite my ears and nothing was on the inside. So what's the point of having success when we never really feel successful?” - Christy Rutherford
4) How Cultural Programming Sabotages Self-Worth
Why do so many women continue to suffer when they can ask for help?
“ If you're suffering but you say you love your job, you're enduring.” - Christy Rutherford
She recalls a client making $220,000 a year who still insisted on cooking, cleaning, and raising twins without help until her body broke down. Her cultural programming around what it meant to be a “good woman” was literally making her sick.
“She was making, at the time, over $220,000 a year while cooking the meals, cleaning the house, and folding the clothes. [...] Outsource that! She couldn't give herself permission to have somebody make the meals.” - Christy Rutherford
Once the client finally accepted help, she went on to negotiate a $422,000 comp package in the same job.
5) We Don’t Need Another Degree. We Need a New Mindset.
Women of color are often taught to overcompensate. When something doesn’t work, the reflex is to “go get another degree” rather than address internal programming.
“Her first master's degree didn’t work. So why do you have three? If the MBA and the MPA didn’t get you where you want to go, why do you need a PhD?” - Christy Rutherford
Christy explains that women already have the toolset and the skillset. What’s missing is the mindset.
“We have the toolset and skill set. We have everything, we just don’t have the mindset. [...] Women know how to navigate. We just don't know how we see ourselves. That's what we're missing.” - Christy Rutherford
She illustrates the power of this shift with another client who went from $210K to $635K in just four months, without changing her job.
Why?
Because she changed how she saw herself.
“ I've gotten people promoted three levels up in the same organization because once a woman comes back to herself and sees who she is now, she can employ it properly.” - Christy Rutherford
6) Why Passion Beats Experience Every Time
One of the key takeaways Christy offers is a shift in how we approach our value.
“If you’re over 35, you should be working for passion first. Passion is going to beat a person that has all the credentials all day.” - Christy Rutherford
When women reconnect to their passion
They stop settling
They stop asking for breadcrumbs
They start commanding the roles, salaries, and balance they deserve
“ We've made our jobs our identity and our everything as opposed to an exchange of value.” - Christy Rutherford
By seeing work as a value exchange, women can stop tying their self-worth to performance and start building careers aligned with joy.
7) The Path to Freedom: Awareness, Alignment, and Action
For those ready to make a shift, Christy’s message is simple but profound:
Start with self-awareness
Unpack the trauma default
Stop outsourcing your worth
And reconnect with your power
Her courses and programs, including the Pay Raise Playbook, guide high-achieving women through this process. But the first step is personal.
Believing it’s possible.
And once you believe? The game changes.
If you enjoyed this conversation, here are a few more episodes you might like:
Episode 87: Redefining Productivity and Thriving Amidst Struggle with Grace Marshall
Episode 85: Embracing Freedom: How to Create the Reality You Desire
Episode 83: How to Thrive Amidst Challenges
To hear the full conversation, scroll all the way up and tune into episode 91.
About The Hosts: Archita And Olivia
ARCHITA
Archita Sivakumar Fritz is the Host and Producer of the Embracing Only Podcast. Archita is a MedTech and Life Science Strategist. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice for her insights into product strategy and nonprofit management, and the creation of inclusive cultures that champion a 'speak up' philosophy.
Following a successful 19+ year corporate career she now helps C Suite across organizations as a Fractional Product Marketing Leader through her company Ready Set Bold.
She works with individuals with 10+ years of corporate experience to find new paths away from toxic or underappreciative environments, enabling both personal fulfillment and broader organizational impact.
→ Grab your FREE resource to build your career transition here: https://embracingonly.com/cubicle-escape-blueprint
→ If you want to work with Archita you can reach out to her here: www.architafritz.com
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OLIVIA
Olivia Grant Cream is the host and producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Nothing makes her happier than providing a platform to women who are changing the world.
Olivia is a proud US Veteran and HR Leader who is passionate about changing the face of corporate America by helping underrepresented people reclaim their power and live the life of their dreams.
She is an advocate for transitioning military members seeking second careers in the corporate landscape.
Olivia is a proud Jamaican and enjoys mentoring, coaching, classic cars, and nature. The way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
→ You can work with Olivia here: www.oliviacream.com
→ Book her as a keynote speaker or moderator for your next ERG or company event.