How to Thrive Amidst Challenges
People are going through so much right now and many women are struggling to understand where they are in the world. They might be struggling with work, the political situation in the world, family, their businesses, their weight, or something else.
It seems like we're all struggling a little bit at the moment, so we’re taking a second to back off the career talk and check in and ask how you are doing.
In the spirit of vulnerability, we’re also sharing what we are wrestling with at the moment and how we’re navigating through these things.
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1) Holding Space for Yourself
Archita is trying to hold space to check in more with herself.
“For me, it's been almost 40 plus years of going, doing, achieving, and there's more I want to achieve. There's more I want to do.” - Archita Fritz
However, despite this, she often feels as if she is not doing enough.
“We talk a lot about how can we focus on what we can control, but within this realm of what we can control, how do we hold space for ourselves to let us feel our emotions?” - Archita Fritz
To start holding space for herself, Archita has started a practice of writing down three wins from her day in the evening and in the morning she writes down three wins she wants to have that day.
“Some days when I've had wins from a work perspective [...] I don't feel like I want to acknowledge them and I don't know why and so I'm navigating that piece right now.” - Archita Fritz
High-achieving people typically have a healthy level of trauma.
“The basement of that trauma is that we're always on go. Our self-worth is tied to what we achieved for the day.” - Oliva Cream
When you find yourself feeling like your self-worth is tied to what you achieve, stop and ask yourself how you can hold space for yourself right now.
“We are always holding space for everybody else. Sometimes we need to hold space for our doggone selves.” - Olivia Cream
This may mean taking some time by yourself away from your family.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup. You can't. And we keep trying to do it and it exhausts us.” - Olivia Cream
2) Building Joy into Your Life
In a past episode, Archita recommended that Olivia write down everything that brings her joy.
“I started that practice and I started to realize the patterns of joy in my own behavior. The water makes me happy. My husband makes me happy. Reading makes me happy.” - Olivia Cream
It’s so important for us to intentionally build these moments of joy into our days.
“We love our planners. We love our little checklist. Nothing gives us more satisfaction than crossing something off that list. Put that thing that makes you happy on the list. So you have something to look forward to every single day.” - Oliva Cream
This way, your happiness is part of your life's design, not just by happenstance.
“I'm not saying it's going to cure whatever is ailing you, but it will give you a little boost of joy so we don't feel hopeless.” - Oliva Cream
3) Cultivating Emotional Awareness
Archita often needs space and some time alone. This is something she does not feel guilty about.
“We don't need to always be giving of ourselves just because there's an expectation that you should always be present.” - Archita Fritz
This year, she has significantly scaled back some of her friendships.
“If it doesn't feel easy for my mental ability, I'm not going to go out of my way to keep that relationship intact or try to keep adding to that relationship because right now in my life, I just need to listen to what Archita's body is telling her that she needs.” - Archita Fritz
Your feelings are signals from your body.
“Sometimes we feel these feelings and we feel guilty for having the feelings. Your feelings are signals from your body that you need to do something differently, whether it's speak up, whether it's change your environment, whether it's take a break from a relationship.” - Olivia Cream
This applies in all areas of your life.
“We often chase the thing that's difficult because society has told us it's going to be difficult. You’ve got to grind it out. You’ve got to persist. You’ve got to be strong. You’ve got to do those things. [...] I only want to chase the things that I feel I can do with ease and that feel good.” - Olivia Cream
We should be asking ourselves the questions: “What do I do well and with ease and how do I do more of that?”
“It's the same in our personal life. Who does it feel easy to be around? Who brings me joy that I can just breathe in their presence? Let's chase those relationships instead of the ones that we're always struggling with.” - Olivia Cream
Chase the things that feel good a bit more.
4) The Concept of Psychological Flexibility
Archita is currently reading The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
In this book, they talk about the concept of psychological flexibility which is the ability to respond to what is happening to you in a more fluid way.
“When you're responding to what's happening in a more fluid way, you're not reacting based on how you ought to react or how people expect you to react or how the rules of that specific environment require you to react. You are psychologically flexible.” - Archita Fritz
This book highlights three kinds of focus: exist, engage, and expand.
Exist refers to accepting the present moment of what is happening versus dwelling and ruminating on the past.
“I'm here in this present moment. What is it telling me and what am I willing to accept?” - Archita Fritz
From this mindset, you can then engage and expand.
“Give yourself permission to figure out how you can exist, engage, and then expand in whatever it is that you are navigating right now.” - Archita Fritz
There is a gap between external stimuli and your reaction.
“In that gap is where you hold your power.” - Olivia Cream
You surrender your power if you immediately respond to your environment.
“Be in the stillness in that gap between external stimulus and reaction. You will find there is so much clarity. You do not need to react to everything that stimulates you, good, bad, or indifferent.” - Olivia Cream
When something happens to you, ask yourself if you have the mental, physical, and emotional capacity to take it on.
“Can I control it? Is this something I want to take on? If not, let it be. And if yes, great, hash a plan. And instead of reacting, you action on it, but it's not a reaction because you've thought about it. You've made a conscious choice that you were going to take on this thing that just poked you.” - Olivia Cream
We have so many thoughts constantly racing through our heads, but all they are is thoughts.
“It's a thought. And I'm not going to give it more power than beyond the fact that it is just a thought.” - Archita Fritz
5) Feeling and Learning from Your Emotions
There’s a significant difference between feeling an emotion and being overwhelmed by an emotion.
“Are we able to open up and tolerate those painful emotions rather than struggle with them or be overwhelmed by them?” - Archita Fritz
Olivia used to try not to feel her feelings. She thought they weren’t helpful.
“These days I'm feeling all the feels. And I've become a better human for it. And what I realized is I had power that I didn't even realize that I had.” - Olivia Cream
Olivia's emotional wounds were portals to her tapping into hidden power.
“I realized I still have a fear of rejection. I don't like to be rejected. And so I put this extra effort into everything that I do in hopes of minimizing the risk that I'll be rejected or someone will say something unflattering about me. And that all stems from my childhood.” - Olivia Cream
From the realization, Olivia looked back on her life and noticed that whenever she encountered something she felt she couldn’t do, she ran.
“I think the universe has given me the experience that I'm going through right now so that I can realize that this emotional wound still exists and find a way not to circumvent it, but to feel my way through it.” - Olivia Cream
While it may be painful to feel your way through these emotions, it is also a gift.
So many people experience this fear of rejection and the need to perform for love every single day.
“You’re overcompensating by overperforming so there's never a space for any rejection because it's like, how is it even possible?” - Archita Fritz
Even so, the universe keeps sending you people and situations that reject you.
What lesson is the universe trying to teach you here?
“I am enough. It is irrelevant how you screw up. It's irrelevant how you overperform.” -Archita Fritz
This is a hard lesson to learn but one so many of us need.
6) Rewriting Your Trauma
Archita shares another concept from the book The Gap and The Gain which is focusing on what you gain from an experience rather than what you lose (referred to as the gap).
“Organize your recollection of that experience to focus on the gain.” - Archita Fritz
We can rewrite how past experiences have happened, but we choose to constantly focus on the gap aspect of that story.
“We have this unbelievable ability to rewrite our disorganized past. If we can rewrite and retell our stories of our past, we will reshape our present and our future.” - Archita Fritz
We need to stop acting from a place of lack, and rather focus on what we do have.
“Focus on the abundance, focus on what you do have. And when you focus on that, the world tends to give you more.” - Olivia Cream
Once we start focusing on the gains from our past experiences, we can start to understand the lessons in them rather than repeating the same cycles over and over again.
What was I supposed to learn from this experience?
What behavior am I supposed to change?
What new skill am I supposed to gain?
What did I learn about myself in this process?
“I used to see my father as the villain. [] What I realized is the experiences that my father gave me early in my life prepared me for the human that I am today. He is the catalyst. So in reality, even though the experience to me at the moment was very negative, I realized he was my greatest blessing because if it wasn't for him, I'd be a very different human today. I probably wouldn't be able to help as many women as I'm helping today because I hadn't developed those skills and tools.” - Olivia Cream
You will never be able to think about every experience from the gain rather than the gap immediately. It’s a journey.
You also shouldn’t judge yourself about thinking from the gap. Let those feelings come through.
“The human mind is going to take you to the gap, so make space for it, but then try to find yourself back out of that gap into what went well.” - Archita Fritz
If you can’t see the gain from an experience, ask a partner or a friend to help you figure it out.
“Make that intentional effort to be the person in the driver's seat of your life because otherwise, the world with all its distractions will drive you off course very quickly.” - Archita Fritz
You are not your brain.
“Your brain is your hardware, you are the software. You have to control it. So if it wants to have those thoughts, let it have those thoughts. But at the end of the day, you get to decide what thoughts you hold onto.” - Olivia Cream
7) Affirming the Men in Your Life
Even though this is a podcast for us ladies, men struggle with being enough because they believe that their sole purpose on this earth is to take care of things and provide for us.
“Sometimes they need to hear from us, even if all you could do was lift your pinky finger, you are enough and I love you. So I encourage you to also share that message with the men in your life.” - Olivia Cream
We are all on this journey together.
If you enjoyed this conversation, here are a few more episodes you might like:
Episode 81: The Power of Dreaming Big and Setting Audacious Goals
Episode 79: Reclaim Your Power: Menopause and Shining a Light on Your Strengths
Episode 78: Finding Alignment, Understanding Priorities & Taking Control of Your Goals
To hear the full conversation, scroll all the way up and tune into episode 83.
About The Hosts: Archita And Olivia
ARCHITA
Archita Sivakumar Fritz is the Host and Producer of the Embracing Only Podcast. Archita is a MedTech and Life Science Strategist. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice for her insights into product strategy and nonprofit management, and the creation of inclusive cultures that champion a 'speak up' philosophy.
Following a successful 19+ year corporate career she now helps C Suite across organizations as a Fractional Product Marketing Leader through her company Ready Set Bold.
She works with individuals with 10+ years of corporate experience to find new paths away from toxic or underappreciative environments, enabling both personal fulfillment and broader organizational impact.
→ Grab your FREE resource to build your career transition here: https://embracingonly.com/cubicle-escape-blueprint
→ If you want to work with Archita you can reach out to her here: www.readysetb.
→ Book her as a speaker, moderator, or coach for your next company event or workshop.
OLIVIA
Olivia Grant Cream is the host and producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Nothing makes her happier than providing a platform to women who are changing the world.
Olivia is a proud US Veteran and HR Leader who is passionate about changing the face of corporate America by helping underrepresented people reclaim their power and live the life of their dreams.
She is an advocate for transitioning military members seeking second careers in the corporate landscape.
Olivia is a proud Jamaican and enjoys mentoring, coaching, classic cars, and nature. The way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
→ You can work with Olivia here: www.oliviacre
→ Book her as a keynote speaker or moderator for your next ERG or company event.