Owning Your Brilliance: Thriving as an “Only
Lola Bakare, author of “Responsible Marketing: How to Create an Authentic and Inclusive Marketing Strategy” shares her experience with owning her brilliance and thriving as an “only”. She shares how to recognize your worth in challenging environments, advocate for yourself, and overcome adversity.
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Lola is an Anthem award-winning inclusive marketing strategist, founder of be/co, a boutique marketing consultancy, and a 2022 LinkedIn Top Voice in Marketing & Advertising. Her previous employers include PepsiCo, Diageo, Dell, and more. Lola equips CMOs and marketing leaders to harness authentic high-impact strategies that resonate.
In this blog post, we’re covering the following:
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1) Finding Confidence in Your Voice and Taking the First Step
During the pandemic, Lola started sharing her voice on the Clubhouse app. Lola has a voice that can shift rooms and she has been inadvertently preparing for this her whole life.
“They say when you're prepared, you can take advantage of the luck that happens in your life. Without knowing, I was preparing for that moment [...] my entire life. My entire career, I had always known that I saw things that other people weren't seeing as a black woman marketer in the room.” - Lola Bakare
Halfway into Lola’s journey as an independent consultant, she started to feel unfulfilled.
“I'm making a lot of impact with very small groups of clients. Their business is doing really great 'cause it's stuff I'm doing, but I'm not getting any visible recognition from it 'cause that's not how consulting works. It's their work. You're empowering them and I love that part but I did miss being the public face.” - Lola Bakare
When the pandemic started, Lola had just joined her first coaching cohort to start to productize her thought leadership and figure out how she would share her voice.
“I didn't even think about what the exact place was going to be that I was going to express myself. I just knew I needed to do this, but I needed structure.” - Lola Bakare
Many things came together to create the perfect storm that brought Lola to the full power of her voice.
Two key themes stand out from Lola’s story:
1. Listening to Your Emotions
Lola’s emotions were speaking to her.
“You didn't really know where you were headed, but you knew that you needed to do something.” - Olivia Cream
2. Taking the First Step
Many women in the beginning phases of their journey feel paralyzed about taking the next step.
“Just put one foot in front of the other. Commit to doing the work. The path will reveal itself.” - Olivia Cream
Lola emphasised that nobody knows what is coming next.
“We really have to get comfortable with that idea of living one day at a time with our anxieties and our fears and not letting them paralyze us because the only regret I have is that I avoided taking that step towards doing this kind of work for so long.” - Lola Bakare
2) Taking Action in the Face of Fear
Lola recently made a post that said logic floats away when fear takes over.
She shared an experience she had in a toxic workplace where instead of letting fear control her, she leaned into her logic and confidence to make a life-changing decision.
Lola’s last corporate job was at a digital news startup called The Daily Dot. What initially seemed like her dream job, turned out to be a misalignment of values.
“I loved working with the journalists. I had a great relationship with so many people there. The reality was the relationship between myself and the founder, CEO, was extremely toxic. That was the one part that didn't work. He didn't like me. That's just it.” - Lola Bakare
Lola was told that she was making a fuss, when in reality, she was leading, innovating, and delivering results.
Rather than shrinking to fit expectations, Lola made the courageous choice to walk away and start her own extremely successful business.
“It was my sanity or staying at the job. It was my self-respect or staying at this job. I just couldn't do it anymore. And so I decided that it was time.” - Lola Bakare
3) Recognizing Workplace Discrimination and Toxicity
Even though Lola’s job at The Daily Dot was her dream job, small things, which are not always easy to pinpoint, make her realize that she was in a toxic workplace.
Lola shares three ways to start recognizing these patterns:
1. You Start to Experience Things That Are Not Defensible
“There are no right or wrong decisions, [...] there are only defensible ones.” - Lola Bakare
Lola explained that if you start to experience things happening to you that are not defensible and nobody can explain why they are okay, it is time to start reflecting on whether that workplace is the right fit for you.
At The Daily Dot, Lola was the youngest person on the executive team. She was also the only black person and woman on the executive team.
“We would have these quarterly board meetings, [...] and what I liked about those meetings is that there was throw down, it could be chaos. [...] The CEO and the CTO used to go at it to the point where they were standing up, yelling at each other, walking out the room.” - Lola Bakare
The one time Lola had somewhat of a disagreement with someone in the board meeting, she was never invited to one again.
“So who has a right to be fully human? Not me in that space.” - Lola Bakare
This was Lola’s number one piece of evidence.
“I've had way better experiences working for super conservative clients than I did in that super liberal environment. [...] I may very much disagree with your beliefs and politics, but I can work with you if you acknowledge my humanity to some extent, and the humanity of other people. That's the line and it was crossed.” - Lola Bakare
2. You Are Blamed for Things That Couldn’t Possibly Be Your Fault
Another way to recognise that you are in a toxic environment is if you are blamed for things that couldn't possibly be your fault.
The Daily Dot had never had a head of marketing before, so certain procedures were missing or inefficient when Lola arrived.
“I leaned in and I'm like [...] let's tighten it up. What do we need to do? Who do you need? Who do you need to hire? How can I help? How do we fix this?” - Lola Bakare
Lola’s input wasn’t wanted.
“It must have been literally week four where I got feedback that this person was having [...] to go to more therapy because I was so intense.” - Lola Bakare
This is the reality for far too many women of color.
“If you are out there and someone is saying to you, you're too aggressive, you're too intense, you're too confrontational, or any variation of that, you need to start assessing your environment immediately and make a decision. [...] Because what they really want to say is you're too black.” - Olivia Cream
This kind of environment can make you question your self-worth.
“From a neuroscience perspective, [...] your brain is detecting threat. Whether you're being robbed or it's a toxic workplace that's making you question your sanity, your brain registers the threat in the same way. What it does is it sends you into self-protection mode. It sends you into shutdown.” - Olivia Cream
When your brain goes into self-protection mode, it shuts off:
Critical thinking
Creativity
Problem solving
Innovation
3. You Are Constantly Distracted from Your True Goals
The last point Lola makes is to look out for distractions.
Lola spent so much of her energy trying to make sure the woman who found her too intense was comfortable.
“I went through this entire campaign of winning this person over who wasn't being asked to similarly engage in any effort towards building a relationship with me. Why does she matter more than I do?” - Lola Bakare
A past podcast guest, Elaine Lin Hering, shared something that is so applicable in this situation. Check if you are silencing yourself for the comfort of others.
“When you notice that you can't create that space and you're constantly silencing yourself, don't wait for another sign. Don't wait for someone to turn things around. [...] People hold onto some random hope and lose complete agency for themselves because they hope someone else will come rescue them.” - Archita Fritz
4) The Power of Choice
Having the power to leave a toxic workplace is a privilege.
Not everybody has this privilege. For example, someone might have an aging parent they have to take care of, who is tied to their healthcare, which is tied to their job.
“While the concept of privilege exists, we all have to recognize we have a choice, [...] but we think in these situations we have no choice.” - Archita Fritz
Lola explained that if you feel like you don’t have a choice, then the choice is how much of you does that corporation get.
“You can get my body during these nine hours. You're not getting my soul. I've never done work without my soul before. I don't choose to ever operate that way. I hope I'm never in a position to have to operate that way, but that could have been a solution.” - Lola Bakare
When Olivia was in a toxic work environment, she gave her work 20% of her brain space while the other 80% of her time was spent plotting her way out.
“It doesn't mean that when we say get the hell out, it's like drop everything, burn the bridges, torch everything, and leave today. No, when we say get the hell out, we mean make a decision.” - Olivia Cream
Decide that an environment is no longer serving you and then start taking the steps to eventually move into a different space.
“I would say even more foundationally important before you even get to the ‘I need to leave’ is you deserve better. I don't care whether you are a dishwasher in a restaurant or a CEO. If you are being mistreated, you deserve better and there's somebody who will put you in that same job and treat you better.” - Lola Bakare
5) The Value of a Support System
When you experience a toxic workplace that chips away at your self-worth, sometimes you struggle to let go of lingering limiting beliefs you formed about yourself while there.
Lola explained that the way you manage these beliefs is “not alone”.
“There was certainly a period of time where I tried to continue to logic my way through things even well into my consulting journey.” - Lola Bakare
With no one to workshop her ideas with or talk to, when things went wrong or not according to plan, Lola would start to question her abilities.
“In this season of my life, when those things happen, I know I really need to fully surrender to like the sounding board of it all and accept the help that you get.” - Lola Bakare
Lola shared that if she is going to do something really important, she likes to have good people around her.
“I know that I'm better when I have that person or people rallying around me, getting me out of my head. So I want to make sure I have that support system when I have these really big things so I don't spiral.” - Lola Bakare
You don't have to handle it alone. Learning how to ask for help is key.
“Recognize that your leader needs help. When they realized I was leaving because I felt bullied, I felt harassed, they were shocked. They were like, how is that possible? You are always standing up for us. And I was like, but sometimes the people who are up there speaking and advocating need the help as well and we don't know how to ask for help.” - Archita Fritz
If you enjoyed this conversation, here are a few more episodes you might like:
Episode 80: Strategies for Women to Thrive in Corporate Spaces with Kisha Wynter
Episode 73: Owning Your Authenticity and Making Fearless Decisions with Kezia Israel
Episode 69: It’s Time to Take Control of Your Fear
To hear the full conversation, scroll all the way up and tune into episode 84
About The Hosts: Archita And Olivia
ARCHITA
Archita Sivakumar Fritz is the Host and Producer of the Embracing Only Podcast. Archita is a MedTech and Life Science Strategist. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice for her insights into product strategy and nonprofit management, and the creation of inclusive cultures that champion a 'speak up' philosophy.
Following a successful 19+ year corporate career she now helps C Suite across organizations as a Fractional Product Marketing Leader through her company Ready Set Bold.
She works with individuals with 10+ years of corporate experience to find new paths away from toxic or underappreciative environments, enabling both personal fulfillment and broader organizational impact.
→ Grab your FREE resource to build your career transition here: https://embracingonly.com/cubicle-escape-blueprint
→ If you want to work with Archita you can reach out to her here: www.architafritz.com
→ Book her as a speaker, moderator, or coach for your next company event or workshop.
OLIVIA
Olivia Grant Cream is the host and producer of the Embracing Only podcast. Nothing makes her happier than providing a platform to women who are changing the world.
Olivia is a proud US Veteran and HR Leader who is passionate about changing the face of corporate America by helping underrepresented people reclaim their power and live the life of their dreams.
She is an advocate for transitioning military members seeking second careers in the corporate landscape.
Olivia is a proud Jamaican and enjoys mentoring, coaching, classic cars, and nature. The way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
→ You can work with Olivia here: www.oliviacre
→ Book her as a keynote speaker or moderator for your next ERG or company event.